First Date
by Sora no Hairo Yuki
Summary: [Twoshot] Neji asks Tenten out on a date. Before they go anywhere though, their guardians must have a deep discussion with them about relationships. [slight NejiTenten]
1. Chapter 1

First Date

A/N: Funny idea came up in my head.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't be writing this fanfiction write now.

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"Now Tenten, before you go on this date with Neji, we must have a talk," Tenten's mother spoke. 

"What is Mom?" Tenten sighed with an annoyed groan.

"Now you're getting to that age where you will be pressured to do things that you might not be ready to handle," she started.

"Yes, I know mom," our little weapons mistress grumbled.

"And you know it's alright to say no," she advised.

"Mom! I know this already!" Tenten snapped.

"Hush! No you don't! Now listen carefully, you know those snake charmers in South Africa?"

"That's India mother," Tenten growled.

"Right, South India, well the song the snake charmer plays is like you and the basket is like a boy. Your song will make the boy's snake want to come out," she explained carefully.

"Oh my god," Tenten mumbled.

"Now one day, a boy will want to put his snake in your mouth, and you have three options to choose from: the first one is to make him go finish it off himself or cum in the corner as some call it," she gave details.

"Mom, please!" Tenten begged.

"No wait, I'm not finished yet! The second option is to spit. And the third option is the one that guys like the most, which is swallow," she continued.

Tenten groaned in embarrassment.

"But you must know that if you do have oral sex, you are not a virgin anymore," she made clear.

"Mom, just get on with it please!" Tenten snapped again.

"If he doesn't have a condom, don't do it," her mother warned.

"Yes mom."

"And you can always say no," she reminded.

"I know that mom."

"Don't roll your eyes at me young lady! This is a very important discussion we're having here! You must always take precautions!"

"Yes mom, I understand," Tenten said in a bored tone.

"Can I go now?" The teen asked.

"No! Not yet! I know this is only the first date and you probably won't get too carried away, but nothing below the waist!" She warned.

"Yes mom," Tenten assured.

"I mean it! Boobs are fine, but he sticks his hand down your pants, you need to act smart," she advised.

"Mother! Everything is gonna be okay. I am responsible. I won't let anything happen. It will be fine," Tenten spoke slowly.

"Aw, my baby girl is growing up! I remember her first bra-"

"Bye mom, I'm leaving!"

"And her first period," she sniffled.

"Ugh," Tenten groaned as she left the house to go meet Neji.

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A/N: My friend gave me a fake goofy sex talk exactly like this. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review. Peace out. 


	2. Chapter 2

First Date

Chapter 2: An Uncle's Advice

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"What's this I hear about you having a date tonight?" Hiashi stopped Neji with his voice.

"I have a date with Tenten, Hiashi-sama," Neji explained.

"Sit down my nephew, for we must have a talk before you leave," Hiashi said from behind a newspaper.

Neji looked at the clock and sat down from across the leader of his clan.

"What is it?" The prodigy asked.

"Neji, do you know the number one instinct for any mammal?" Hiashi asked calmly while folding up his newspaper.

Neji immediately blushed.

"You are correct boy, the sex drive is the number one instinct. Now you are a man, correct?"

Neji blushed some more and nodded his head.

"And as man, you must go in for the kill at the first chance, like a cheetah stalking the antelope," Hiashi stated in a dramatic manor.

"Wh-what? I'm only 16!" A beet red Neji exclaimed.

"And far too old already! You could've had one or two kids by now! Oh, I knew I should have given you this talk earlier," Hiashi sniffled emotionally like a pregnant woman.

"I don't think I'm-" Neji started, but got cut off.

"Silence boy! Now I must show you the secret Hyuuga techniques with these puppets!" Hiashi cheered as he held up his hands to reveal a girl and a boy puppet.

"Oh my god." Neji didn't know who he wanted to smack more, himself or his uncle.

"Now this one is good for when you two are in a small area," Hiashi started explained and moved the puppets into an awkward position.

"Hiashi-sama, please stop," Neji calmly begged.

"What? Would you rather me demonstrate with a pillow or the blow up doll?" The Hyuuga clan leader asked innocently.

"NO! I mean, I think I can figure these things out on my own," Neji cleared his throat.

Hiashi dropped the puppets and walked up to his nephew.

"Your father would be so proud of you."

Sunset.

"Hiashi-sama…"

Waves.

"Neji."

The boulder.

"HIASHI-SA…ma…oh god no," Neji stopped before the sparkles could come in.

"Get 'er done Neji my boy," Hiashi said with a thumbs up and glittering eyes.

"Uhhh, goodbye."

Neji left as quickly as possible before things could get even weirder.

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A/N: This one wasn't really planned. 


End file.
